Family Friendly Funny Dog Jokes

Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."
 

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!" As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her. "Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.  "And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."  POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.  "Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother. "Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"  POOF: There, in front stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.  As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I bet you are sorry you had me neutered."
 

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.
One said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he is cross-eyed?" "No, because he is really, really heavy."
 

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of Labrador puppies. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were three boy Labrador puppies and four girl Labrador puppies."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it is printed on their bottoms.
 

On the door of the little country store a stranger noticed the sign DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger could not help but be amused. "That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
 

A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus". The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. After ten minutes, nothing has happened so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus". The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle.
After thirty minutes, he decides to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him, sit a cockatoo in a cage, who says, "I can see you, and so can Jesus". Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, "It's just a cocky". The cocky looks at the burglar and says, "I might be just a cocky but Jesus is a big German Shepherd".
 

A Veterinarian was sick and went to see the doctor.
The doctor asked him all the usual questions about symptoms etc., when he interrupted him: "Hey look, I am a Vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients all these questions. I can tell what is wrong just by looking." He added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked him up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to him, and said, "There you are. ...Of course, if *that* does not work, we'll have to have you put down."
 

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.